Being a mum is definitely the most rewarding job I've ever had. I love everything about it, and yet I am so exhausted! As of the past 3-4 weeks Liana only wakes up once in the night to be fed, the only time we leave the house during the weekdays is to go for walks or for appointments, and we aren't doing very strenuous activities at home. So why am I so darn tired? I honestly think it's more "mental exhaustion" than anything. I have so many thoughts spinning around in my head about what I want to do as I move forward in my life after maternity leave. Childcare for Liana, my job, taking classes, finding time to spend with my family, future children... There is so much to think about while also remaining in the moment. And it's super hard to actually find time to sit down and make a plan while taking care of a new baby.
The most important topic on my plate: Childcare. I have only two and a half weeks left of my maternity leave, and we still don't have a plan for childcare. This is stressing me out to no end, but I don't even know where to begin. My entire family and everyone else that has offered to help us out with babysitting and whatnot is about 2-3 hours away from us, so while the offer is very much appreciated, it doesn't really help us. Daycare centers for infants usually run around $50/day and if I am to be working full time (which I really need to be), that can run us up to $250/week, which is money that we don't have. I'm feeling pretty stuck knowing that we can't afford daycare, but we also can't afford for me to not be working. :(
So that issue brings up thoughts like: Should I get a new job? I know I should find a job that pays more and/or that is closer to home, but I LOVE my job. I've never been able to say that and I honestly don't know a ton of other people who can say that. Of course I have some off days at work and I get the occasional grumpy-pants customer, but I love Whole Foods (Oh, I feel so lame). Should I take classes to be more qualified for another job? Yes I have a Bachelor's degree, but it's a dual degree in sociology and women's studies. Now I know what you're thinking, "what the hell do you do with that?" Exactly. I would really really love to do some type of work with computer technology--(have you seen my new blog layout? It took days of playing around with xml and css codes to get it to look this good!). I am not really qualified for any jobs with computers though, so I would have to take more classes for that. I think my dream would be to incorporate my creative side with my slightly tech savvy side and do graphic design work. Now that is a whole other ballgame.
My biggest problem-- indecisiveness. About EVERYTHING. And for me, that means not acting at all. I have all these thoughts building up and what have I done? Write a blog post about it.
Anyway, enough of me rambling. Here's what you all came for, another photo of my little Ani.
Oh my, look at her face! Haha, she's like "what the heck is going on?"