My Little Pea Sprout: 27 weeks pregnant

Showing posts with label 27 weeks pregnant. Show all posts

Pregnant women are known to be overly hormonal--crying uncontrollably as we watch Simba mourn the death of his father in The Lion King, becoming easily argumentative (especially with our partner), or developing sudden and intense cravings which must be satisfied immediately to avoid an aggressive outburst--but are, for the most part, forgiven for our general lack of emotional stability.

To be honest, I never thought of myself as one of these women. That is one group that I was perfectly okay with being excluded from. Throughout my first pregnancy and in this one so far, I've felt relatively 'normal' and considered Ashton pretty lucky to not have to deal with a sobbing queen or a raging bitch for nine months (excuse my crude, yet accurate, language). However, in light of the events that unfolded on Sunday evening, I am now forced to reevaluate my perceived normalcy.

It started off as an ordinary trip to the grocery store, just Liana and I. It was quite chilly out, so I told Liana to pick a hat to keep warm, and she chose her crocheted tiger hat that her Grammy made her. It's a bit small on her now and she has many others to choose from, but she insists on the tiger hat and I just can't say no to those big blue eyes. Off we went, picking up some fruit for Liana and a chocolate bar for me. As we strolled back out into the parking lot, I decided to stop into another store that is in the same plaza. We dropped our bag in the car before walking over to the other store. That's when I noticed... her tiger hat was missing! We retraced our steps and scoured the parking lot to no avail. I was devastated. We arrived home and I told Ashton that we lost the tiger hat. I had been doing quite well holding myself together, but Ashton reminded me of how much Liana loved that hat and I completely lost it. The more I thought about it, the more dismal my mood became. Liana often chose her tiger hat over the others and now she'll never wear it again. It was all my fault; I should have been paying better attention as I am entirely aware that she regularly throws things overboard. I felt the hot tears swell in my eyes and stream down my face and there was nothing I could do to stop them. Feeling entirely helpless I curled into a ball in our bed. It seemed as though Liana and Ashton also felt helpless, not knowing how to handle me. Liana was attempting to wipe away my tears and Ashton offered to go out and look for the hat again. I desperately wanted to take him up on the offer, but I grasped onto the little rationality that my altered state had maintained and so declined. I sobbed into my pillow for a good half an hour.

I kept asking myself, "what is wrong with me?" I couldn't come up with a reasonable answer until I replayed the shameful event the next day: I am pregnant. Crazy things are happening with my hormones, I am emotionally unstable at times, and I can't help it. Now that I have experienced my initiation into the group I was previously excluded from and can accept it for what it is, I will take a deep breath and move on.

If any other ladies want to share an embarrassing story about your pregnancy hormones acting up, leave a comment below, I'd love to read about them!

My first thought this morning was "I want brownies." Like the ones that I made and brought to my mom's on Saturday. I was drooling over my recollection of their soft and chewy texture when it occurred to me that I'm pretty sure I ate 4 out of the 12 brownies that I brought! How embarrassing! But I still wanted more. So I got myself out of bed and had my morning visit with the bathroom before remembering I have chocolate ice cream in the freezer! So now, 10:30am when I am finally getting out of bed, I also have a pint of chocolate ice cream sitting next to me with a spoon. :)

To be fair, I didn't actually wake up at 10:30. I woke up when my boyfriend left for work, which was probably around 7:45. I decided to become conscious shortly after 8 and picked up my copy of Jenny McCarthy's "Belly Laughs" (so thoughtfully gifted to me by Susie what seems like ages ago!), and began reading how she comically describes her pregnancy experience. I finished the entire book in two hours and by the end, just ended up feeling really bad for her. Although I felt like (at least so far) we were having two completely opposite pregnancies, I still sympathized with what she went through and found myself rubbing my tummy and thanking my little girl for being such a princess and not putting me through the horrors that were in this book. Parts of the book definitely made me laugh out loud and as I read her story of labor and delivery I was totally broke down sobbing as I turned the page. One preggo lady to another, I totally admire her for everything she went through and that in the end she says she wants to do it all again! Maybe it's the hormones, or maybe it's knowing that many other women have similar experiences to her (and I could have as well), but I found myself feeling shocked and thankful that I have been so lucky with my first pregnancy. She recounts her days of morning sickness, hormonal rages, constipation, hemorrhoids, hot flashes, terrible gas, dwindling bedroom time with her husband, cellulite gain, facial acne and rashes, bodily swelling, gaining 60lbs, and even buying granny panties! I'm sitting here reading these thinking "OMG THIS IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO ME." Then I remembered I am 6 months and 11 days preggo and I have not experienced any of these things, while Jenny started experiencing these things within the first 10 weeks. For some reason I often think everything I read will come true for me, however, 95% of what I have read or been told has not happened. Oh yes, I read all about Jenny's painful and growing boobs and was right along side her with that. But even though they hurt like hell for at least 3 months and woke me up a few times in the middle of the night because they ached when I rolled over, I was actually happy about it because I knew they were (and still are) getting ready to produce my baby's breakfast, lunch, dinner, and a million snack times for the long haul. And if breastfeeding works out the way I hope it does, I will be thankful for my time spent at the store buying bigger bras and maybe even the times I spent swatting Ashton away from them because they were sore.

One thing that I took away from Jenny's book (as I do with most pregnancy and birth stories) is that pregnancy, labor, delivery, and motherhood are different for every mother and child. One experience does not dictate all, and even what I plan to happen does not dictate what WILL happen. Knowing that our bodies are all different and handle this experience differently does not change one simple fact: Our bodies were made for this. I honestly feel like I was made to give birth and, as terrified as I have been about the actual process of pushing the baby out, I am feeling more connected with the idea with each day that passes. I know it will probably be hard and painful and seem unbearable, but it is something I know that I can do. Delivery has been the one aspect of this entire journey that I was completely terrified of. Not the horrors of pregnancy, not the exhaustion and omg-what-the-hell-do-i-do-with-a-newborn postpartum feelings, nope. It was the delivery that I wanted to pretend wasn't going to happen. And although I am still nervous about it (who wouldn't be nervous about passing a watermelon?), I am so looking forward to the challenge of childbirth. I know I can do it, because my body was made for this.