Six Reasons NOT to Find Out The Sex of Your Baby


Have you ever wondered what it would be like to find out your baby's sex in the delivery room instead of on an ultrasound screen? Many couples can't wait to find out whether they will have a boy or girl so they can begin decorating the baby's nursery in pink or blue, but here are six reasons to keep the gender a surprise and go team green!

The wait to find out my baby's sex has been exciting, but it also exercises my patience, as I am just dying to find out if Liana will have a baby brother or baby sister to tease (ahem.. I mean, "play with"). Personally, gender doesn't matter to me. I could buy all neutral colored items and me and my baby would be just as happy as buying everything in shades of pink or blue. Society will pave a different path for my little one in the future, but for now I'll proudly wave the "team green" flag.


1. Pure bond

The bond between my baby and I is that of pure love for the life I helped to create and for this period of coexistence. We don't know much about each other right now, but we're both dependent on each other, and helping each other to thrive. By not knowing whether my baby is a boy or girl, I am eliminating all expectations based on gender from our current bond. I am not bonding with my baby's sex, I am bonding with the life inside of me.

2. Relieving gender stereotypes before birth
Will my child be a famous athlete? A dancer? A lawyer? A nurse? An accountant? A social worker? A police officer? A computer technician? These are all equal possibilities, but by knowing whether my baby is a boy or girl, people will create subconscious expectations based on gender. We all do it, I am guilty as well. When I was pregnant with Liana, I imagined her wearing lots of bows and wondered if she would like playing with dolls or taking dance lessons. With our new little bundle, I imagine a different array of moments. The first swimming lesson, which sporting events or extracurricular programs I will attend, and the art pieces I will get to hang on my fridge following each Mother's Day. See the "team green" difference?


3. Functional gifts
By not knowing the baby's sex, you are more likely to receive gifts that you will actually use. There are many functional items than can be gifted without having gender in mind (diapers, baby toiletries, carrier, high chair, stroller, car seat, bottles, pacifiers, baby-proofing supplies, possibly nursery decor, and even some clothing!). Without even thinking about it, most people want to buy "cute" gifts, which usually involve the pink or blue categorization.

4. Inclusive planning
Many people think they have to know their baby's sex in order to decorate the nursery (which will undoubtedly include pink or blue as the base color), but what about an animal theme? A storybook theme? Or classic but neutral color schemes (gray or white can be paired with pretty much any color)? Liana's nursery was a Studio Ghibli theme and although we knew we were expecting a girl, it would have been perfect for either a boy or a girl. The same mentality goes for picking out your child's first toys or clothing. Their world will be crowded with pink or blue as soon as the word gets out, so why not provide them with other stimulating colors from the start?

5. Maintaining one surprise for BTDT parents
All pregnancies are different, and each has the possibility to surprise you when you least expect it. But as a "been there done that" (BDTD) mum who has only been through one pregnancy, I am still finding the whole process a bit "stale". I feel very prepared for the changes my body is going through and I know what to expect at each prenatal appointment. My baby's sex is the main aspect that is still a surprise (other than the birthing experience, because who really knows when that will be or what will happen!). To maintain the excitement of my tiny soon-to-be addition to the family, I am letting the "boy or girl?" question remain a mystery for now.


6. Endless possibilities
We are currently taking a time out with the baby naming game. I have written many little lists of [girl and boy] names that I like, but I know it is hard for Ashton to comment on them because he knows the baby's sex and doesn't want to ruin the surprise for me. However, I have been having a quite a bit of fun creating inclusive lists of names, since I don't have the limit of imagining our little one with a specific gender just yet. We could be having a little 'Marlow' or a tiny 'Charlotte'. In my mind, the possibilities are endless!


Maintaining the surprise until birth isn't for everyone. I honestly don't think I could have gone team green during my first pregnancy. I REALLY wanted a daughter, so I elected to find out whether we'd have a boy or girl as soon as I possible. But this time, I don't have as strong of a preference. I'd love for Liana to have a sister that she can share all of her secrets with. I'd also love to have the experience of mothering a son. I can't say for sure if I will definitely wait until delivery to find out, but as for family and friends, they'll have to wait until they visit in the hospital to see whether baby's first hat is pink or blue!

Would you ever consider going team green? Why or why not?






CONVERSATION

28 comments:

  1. I really wanted to know the sex of the baby, of course, as the second wanted to have a girl. I gave birth to another boy and I've never been as happy as now. I am a person who does not like how someone so connected sex with color. There was no problem for me to assume my son something pink. And for example, I was very nervous that sometimes it is difficult to buy a dollhouse not in pink, why my son can choose the color, eg. The green or red, etc.

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    1. That is wonderful! I would love a boy this time, to have one of each, but I grew up as one of three girls and would love for my daughter to have the same sisterly bond that I did. So either way I will be satisfied!

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  2. Both times we haven't found out and both times the anaethist told us. It didn't matter but my dream was my husband telling me!

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    1. Aww, yes I am hoping that is what happens for me too!

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  3. We found out the sex of our baby and so happy that we did. I think it made us form a closer bond with our little man as we could call him by his actual name as opposed to 'lentil' which we nicknamed him beforehand.

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    1. I agree, it was nice being able to call my daughter her name before she was born, but I feel I have a different type of bond with this one already. It is nice feeling close to someone who you know nothing about and have no biases toward, but know you will love them unconditionally. x

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  4. Pre-pregnancy I always thought I wouldn't find out the sex of our baby but when it came down to it, I just couldn't wait. By 16 weeks I'd booked an early gender scan and found out we were expecting a little girl (I was convinced I was carrying a boy!). I think the excitement was just too much and I was fed up of referring to my baby as 'it', 'baby' and 'bump'. I would seriously consider not finding out next time though and you have some made some brilliant points here as to why. I was convinced that I needed to know the sex to decorate the nursery and in the end we went with a grey and white colour scheme so it wouldn't actually have made a difference anyway!!

    Jenna at Tinyfootsteps xx

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    1. It's funny that I am all for keeping it a surprise with this one. It was so different with my first, but I think it's because the pregnancy was so unexpected, I felt very young and unprepared for the whole process, and naive to the way my life was about to change. I had a preconceived notion of what my baby would be like and I was so hoping for a girl and needed to know asap!

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  5. I love the idea of not finding out but couldn't wait when I was in the scan and just needed to know. I do think I was able to be really prepared even though I ended up going for a yellow bedroom theme! Amelia's defied the girly stereotype but I would have loved the surprise!! X

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    1. I keep going back and forth about whether I want to know or not. But I know as soon as I peek in the envelope I am going to be disappointed and wish I hadn't looked.. I'm trying to keep in mind that this will be one of the greatest surprises of my life if I can wait!

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  6. I found out on two of my babies and didn't on my first, I did try though. I'm so impatient, I just needed to know. I don't like blue or pink really so it wasn't to be prepared and to buy mountains of gendered stuff, we're a very unisex household with toys and clothes though x

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    1. So good to hear that someone else doesn't subscribe to full gendered stereotypes! I've given myself a rule that any clothes or toys that I buy for my daughter will NOT be pink or purple, just because her Grammy (who spoils her rotten) and other family members on birthdays and Christmas give her a lot of gifts and those are undoubtedly pink/purple. So in the end she has a decent mix of toys of all colors x

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  7. I couldn't wait to find out with my first and then with my second and third I would of liked that surprise but it was too inconvenient to wait as we already had so much stuff for a little girl to replace it all with neutral just in case would have been silly! x

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    1. I am running into a similar problem, as I have a TON of girl clothes from my daughter and currently store it in our attic. If the baby is a boy we're going to get rid of all of it because we aren't planning on any more children and we'll have to buy some new boy clothes. I'm not really worried about toys either way because I bought a lot of neutral colored toys (mostly bold primary colors) rather than pink/purple versions and I'm not worried about a boy playing with dolls or a tea set. I'm not going to run out and buy neutral stuff, I might buy a few bits of clothing because I love baby shopping, but won't go for a full wardrobe until we find out it's a boy at birth.

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  8. We never found out the sex of any of our three, and I wouldn't have it any other way now.

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    1. Aww I am so glad to hear that! I feel as thought I must wait until birth now because it would be a shame to have waited this long to not go all the way.

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  9. My daughter wants to know the sex so badly she is paying the 99.00 lab cost. Call me old fashion but I would prefer the element of surprise.

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    1. That's funny, my mom and sisters feel as though they are being tortured by not knowing. They've even asked if they can peek in the envelope and promised not to tell me!

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  10. Such great points! I found out with my daughter, but am unsure of whether or not I want to know the next time we get pregnant! Definitely something to consider!

    Thank you for sharing with us at #mommymeetupmondays!

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    1. I think right now my strongest reason for keeping it a surprise is because this will probably be our last child. As soon as I find out the sex, I will never get that moment back and I may never experience it again. To be honest, I am absolutely dying to know, but if I find out before giving birth I will probably have a breakdown. I'm looking forward to the biggest surprise of my life.

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  11. I have to find out. I am so against gender stereotypes and honestly do not prefer one gender over the other, but I just have to know. These are great points, though. Love that you're going to be surprised. Thanks again for linking up at #mommymeetupmondays!

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    1. I know how you feel. I was very intent with my first about knowing as soon as possible! I somehow had a change of heart this time though. I'm imagining a moment like a movie scene where the dad runs out to the waiting room and excitedly shouts, "it's a boy/girl!" to the waiting family and friends. Hahah. But I do have an overactive imagination...

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  12. We didn't find out with Toby and we're not going to at our scan on Tuesday either, I love it! With Toby I had a gut feeling the was a boy but this time I haven't got such a strong conviction. I'd love a daughter because I'm close to my mum and want to experience that relationship from the other side, but I'd love for Toby to have a brother as they'll be close in age and I adore being a mother to a boy! Can't believe the similarities with our families, and now our babies will only be a month apart!xx

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  13. With Rowan we didn't find out his gender, although at the time I wanted to and Alex (the other half didn't), so I was very good at sticking with that. I'm so glad we waited as it was a lovely surprise after 48 hours in labour and then a c-section. If we have any more children we won't be finding out either.x

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  14. We never found out with either of ours. The births were so beautiful and to find out the first time you meet them is so wonderful. We like unisex clothing in general anyway so always helpful when you don't know!

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  15. I'm not very good with surprises. Although I love the idea of not finding out the gender, I don't think I could wait 9 months haha! I'm so impatient! xx

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  16. This is an interesting read for me as I will soon be finding out the sex of my 2nd baby. I found out the sex of my first too because that was our preference. We wanted to be more prepared and bond with our boy. This time I'd happily wait to find out, so I can experience both ways, but it's not that important to me, as long as my baby is healthy I don't care what it is, and I don't care when I find out. The reason we are finding out is because Lamb really thinks he's getting a brother, and we don't want him to be confused if it's a girl and he's spent 6 months thinking it's a boy! xx

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  17. We didn't find out with Jack and I loved the surprise. With Phoebe, we found out as I wanted to prep Jack! x

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