This is my diary recounting the events during the days that led up to the birth of my beautiful daughter, Liana Ruby. It's long, it's detailed, and yes, it includes those "tmi" moments.

Friday April 18th, 2014. 39 weeks, 3 days pregnant.

12:00PM- Noon
Today started out like any other ordinary day. Ashton left for work early this morning and for me, I finally get a day off after working seven days in a row. Despite feeling a bit exhausted from the past week, I still managed to get up decently early and I've made it my mission to finish the nursery today. I have planned to finish making and hang up Liana's name decoration for above her crib, hang up the Studio Ghibli prints I picked up at Anime Boston, sort through the boxes and boxes of clothes that were given to us from friends, do a few loads of baby laundry, reorganize her closet a bit with bigger clothes in back and newborn bits up front, and do some cleaning around the apartment.

12:30PM
As I was getting busy in the nursery, I stepped out for a quick snack and bathroom break and to my surprise, I lost part of my mucus plug! I had been questioning whether I would know what it's supposed to look like or if I would see it at all (I know some women don't since it might just fall in the toilet), but when I saw it there was no doubt it my mind what it was! Yay! Of course, I know this doesn't mean much in terms of when my little one will arrive, but I am excited because it means that things are moving along and getting ready for the big day!

4:00PM
I had been working steadily in the nursery for about 3 hours, so when Ashton called from work I decided to take a short break and relax in my glider. After we hung up, I couldn't bring myself to get up right away, and decided it was alright to do some social networking from my phone before working up the energy to continue. Now that it has been an hour, I know I should get up, at least to eat soon. I just started getting some mild cramps in my lower abdomen and Braxton Hicks are starting up again. Ugh.

Saturday April 19th, 2014. 39 weeks, 4 days pregnant.

2:00AM
I got up a little while ago to use the bathroom--something I have done in the middle of the night only a handful of times since I've been pregnant. I still have cramps and the contractions haven't lightened up at all, so it's harder to sleep tonight.

9:30AM
Ashton and I are leaving in a few minutes to go pick up Desiree and Aaron since they've decided to spend a few nights with us. Desiree says she wants to be here when I go into labor (who knows when that will be though?!). I'm trying to ignore the menstrual-like cramping in my abdomen as well as the continuing Braxton Hicks contractions, especially since I'm about to embark on a three hour car ride to New Hampshire and then three hours back! Yikes!

5:30PM
We got home a few hours ago and now I'm sitting in my glider watching I Love You Man with Desiree and Aaron. Ashton went to visit his dad so he could go ride the bike while it was still light out. Around 4:30pm, I lost the rest of my mucus plug and now the cramps and contractions are starting to intensify and I believe they are becoming more regular. I just came to a sudden realization: I've been in early labor! Contractions have continued for over twenty-four hours now, so I'm convinced they will continue until I go into active labor. I'm going to start timing them. Little one could be coming soon! :)

8:00PM
A few hours ago around 6pm, Ashton called to invite us to his Dad's house for dinner. I was ready to put the discomfort aside and head over, but Desiree and Aaron were both really tired and Desiree was had a bad cough and sinus symptoms from allergies. I told Ashton the contractions were getting worse and he decided to head home. Then between 6:30-7pm, Desiree, Aaron and Ashton went out to go get dinner and I decided to stay behind and lay down to rest. When they returned, my contractions were at the same intensity as my heavy menstrual cramps, which I often had to sleep through or they would otherwise have me in tears. I timed contractions for two hours and noticed they were three and a half to five minutes a part and lasting forty seconds to one minute long. I now realize I have been in active labor since I started timing my contractions at 5:30pm. Ashton and I just called the midwife on call at the hospital because it's becoming hard for me to speak through the contractions. The midwife advised me to try a different laboring technique and to call back in an hour or two. She said I probably have a lot of time since this is my first baby and first labors are usually the longest. Ashton is running the bath for me right now and I'm hoping that will ease the contractions, while still allowing them to progress.

10:15PM
We are heading to the hospital! I labored in the bathtub for over an hour (right after I took one last photo of my pregnant belly!). While the warm water made the cramps more bearable, I can feel them becoming more intense. I called the midwife back around 9:30pm to let her know we would be on our way, even though she thought I would still be in labor for a while and that I should stay home for a bit longer. I'm glad sitting down hasn't become uncomfortable yet because I'm in for a forty-five minute to one hour car ride to the hospital!

Sunday April 20th, 2014. 39 weeks, 5 days pregnant.

12:00AM- Midnight
I'd never been more excited to pull up to a hospital in my life! We pulled up to the valet area just after 11pm, but there wasn't anyone available so we made the quick decision to park in the garage across the street. I'll admit I was a bit unsure about this decision since I wasn't completely confident that I could even walk across the street at that point, but I was sure going to try. It turned out not to be that bad at all, I just felt out of breath. I waddled across the street and we went in to fill out some paperwork before I could be checked and admitted. I tried really hard to focus on the paperwork and just signed where I was told. We were then led around the corner, down the hall, and up to the fifth floor to the labor and delivery hall of the Connors Center for Women and Newborns. We were in a waiting area for maybe ten minutes, but to me it felt like an eternity. Two night shift nurses were sitting at the desk complaining about the day shift nurses and all I could think about was the discomfort I was in while trying to focus on my breathing and wondering why no one was coming out for me. Finally a nurse came out to get me, but didn't let Ashton come with me. I was a little uneasy about that but realized she had to ask a lot of questions that he couldn't be around for (whether I was being abused in our relationship, etc). He got to come in after all the initial questions were out of the way, just in time for the nurse to put two bands around my belly that would monitor my contractions as well as the baby's heartbeat for a few minutes. A cervical check indicated that I was dilated to five centimeters; I was so relieved! I don't know how I would have reacted if I wasn't dilated enough to be admitted when I was so uncomfortable already. After voicing my desire for a natural childbirth with no medication and requesting a room with a birthing tub, Ashton and I were led to the room I was to labor and deliver in, and now the nurse is filling the tub. I can't wait to get in!

2:15AM
I've been laboring in this tub for about two hours and I can barely keep my head up. I am literally falling asleep between contractions. Ashton is sitting on a stool to my left and I feel bad because I know sitting like that for hours can't be comfortable either. He has been so supportive though, making sure I stay hydrated with water and periodically offering me ice chips and telling me I'm doing great. I experienced sudden nausea about an hour ago and vomited within seconds. Up until this point I've been managing contractions with meditation and visualization techniques. Every time I feel a contraction coming on, I close my eyes and imagine I'm laying on the beach in Hawaii. I can practically feel the sun warming my skin. I listen to the waves of the ocean rolling in as the pain intensifies. I then focus on taking long deep breaths and counting backwards from ten with each exhale. The contraction usually subsides before I get to zero, and I get to relax again. It's getting harder and harder to relax in my little paradise, and it's even more annoying that there is a clock directly across the room from me. Each time I look up I notice that barely a minute has passed. I just want to make it to 2:30am.

2:25AM
I'm not sure how much longer I can take this. In the past ten minutes my pain level has progressed from a seven to a nine, borderline ten. With my visualization I was experiencing contractions merely as waves of pressure that came and went, but now they are almost constant pain. I am doing everything I can to keep from wriggling around and crying out in pain. Another episode of nausea and more vomit. I need to push this baby out now!!!

2:32AM
The nurse knew my body was ready to start pushing and she called the midwife as the tub was emptying. My body instinctively began pushing while I was still in the tub, even though the nurse said not to, and I could feel my baby moving lower. The tub seemed to take forever to empty enough for me to get out, and then I had to wait for the next contraction to make it to the bed. The midwife rushed in and checked to make sure I was dilated to ten centimeters and gave the okay to push. My water hasn't even broken yet! Although I'm in a lot of pain, I still find it amusing that I literally feel like I have to take a giant poop....

2:44AM
My body feels so relieved to be pushing; it's actually nice to feel a different kind of discomfort. It feels really good to push, but I'm terrified of tearing down there and can barely bring myself to put all of my effort into it. I'm trying to relax my lower body as much as possible, to prevent any tension or tightening that might stall the progression from pushing. It seemed like no time had passed at all when the midwife said she could see my baby's head. She asked if I wanted to feel it and I really did, but got so flustered I couldn't even answer her and just wanted to push more. I felt the exact moment when my little girl's head was crowning and I was torn with fear and anticipation. I took a short break from pushing and the midwife guided my breathing to just ease her head out with quick gentle breaths. My baby's head was born en caul (still in the amniotic sac). The midwife asked if it was okay to break my waters now, since it would make the rest of the delivery faster. I don't remember replying, but I didn't say no either. She punctured the sac and now there is a gush of liquid spreading over the bed linens beneath me. The midwife and nurse both keep telling me how well I am doing, and the encouragement is really helping. I know my baby is almost out, I just need to relax and get in a few more good pushes.

2:45AM
By "a few more good pushes", apparently I meant two. I had the bedsheets clenched in my left hand and Ashton's hand in my right, and I pushed with all I had in me through the next contraction. Too quickly for me to process what was happening, my little girl slid out of me and now she is on my chest. "She's a girl, right?!" Ashton says that she is. She is too close to my chin for me to look down and see her, but I can feel how tiny she is on me. I love her. She was born very calmly and the nurse has to bother her a bit to get her to cry. The midwife pushes on my stomach to move my placenta down and says I need to push one more time to deliver it. "Thank you", I say to my little peanut and "thank you", I say to Ashton. I am beyond relieved for her to finally be out. I feel the placenta slide out with the next push and I ask to see it. The midwife shows Ashton and I the placenta and amniotic sac, where my baby lived for the past nine months. I see her check the umbilical cord to see if it is done pulsating and she has Ashton cut it. She checks for tearing and says that it is so superficial that I barely have a first degree tear. She did a few stitches on the inside and I only needed one stitch on the outside. The nurse and midwife say again and again how well I handled both labor and delivery (especially for a first time mum!). At 2:45am on Easter morning, at the same time my beautiful baby girl was born into this world at five pounds twelve ounces and eighteen and half inches long, I was also reborn, as a mother.

4:45AM
They let me hold onto my baby for skin-to-skin contact for a long time, and I was so glad to not have to give her up right away. They took her briefly to clean her up a little since she pooped and got it on herself and my arm. I remember being surprised that she pooped and I didn't! Within forty-five minutes of birth, my baby girl found her way to my breast for nursing. I fed her for a while and just stared at her in amazement. I was offered postpartum pain medication (a little Motrin or ibuprofen), but I declined all offers. Now the nurse is wheeling me up to a postpartum room on the tenth floor and Ashton is moving our baby in her bassinet. This is where we will rest and recover for the next forty-eight hours. This is where my baby will become better adjusted to life outside of the womb. This is where I will fall in love all over again.
There is no way to describe the feeling of seeing and holding your child for the first time. I carried her in my belly for nine months and now I finally get to carry her in my arms. I find myself staring at her in wonder, "so this is what you look like." She's absolutely perfect. I am proud.

As my 37th week approached, I decided to crack down and finalize my preferences for my birthing time, and be able to discuss these preferences with Ashton so he knows what I am thinking before we are rushing off to the hospital together. We made a rough list of things that I knew I definitely wanted and didn't want. After a little research I decided to finalize my preferences and create an actual birth plan. I never realized how many details there are to be mindful of regarding birth, until I decided to sit down and map out my own birth plan. I use the term "birth plan" pretty loosely, and should really use the term "birth preferences", simply because we all know my little one on the way is going to be the star of the experience and she will most likely determine how she enters the world, regardless of what I plan. For that reason, not every mum chooses to create a birth plan, but I think there are also a lot of really great reasons to consider it!

Why did I create a birth plan?
I feel that a birth plan:

• empowers me to envision how I expect my birthing time to play out, while also considering second options should it not go as expected.
• will remind me of choices that I made with a clear mind, so I don't have to think about them during intense labor.
• allowed me to discuss important decisions with Ashton so he can be prepared and know how to advocate for me during my birthing time.
• equips medical practitioners with guidelines to follow if I am unable to communicate them myself.
• decreases the chance for a misunderstanding or added stress during my birthing time.
• lets me consider many different kinds of birthing journeys that I may not have even known I had the option to experience.
• is giving me peace of mind during my last few weeks of pregnancy that I have done everything I can to prepare for the big day. 
• enables me to remain involved and be as in control of my birthing experience as I would like to be.

My birth plan.
I created my birth plan using a technique that I conjured up myself, rather than one I found on the web. I created a checklist document that includes a multitude of options for different situations (fetal monitoring, pain management, induction techniques, etc) and then checked off my preferences for each one. I then created a second document with a bulleted list of preferences from the checklist in the form of statements, separated into sections for labor, delivery, and postpartum. The end result is one document, my birth plan, that only includes the options that I chose and isn't bogged down with extra information. This way, my midwife, nurses, partner, etc., can easily see what my preferences are, since they are clearly explained the way I think is best understood and doesn't include the distraction of anything extra.

Just as a quick overview without all the personal information, here are just some of the requests that I included in my birth plan: the use of a birthing tub provided by the hospital, only my midwife and support people be present unless there is a medical need for a doctor--and no medical students, residents or interns allowed, as few cervical checks as possible, to not be offered an epidural or other medication for pain relief, to try natural methods of induction first before any medication (Pitocin) is offered, to not have an episiotomy, to be able to push spontaneously and not be rushed, to avoid vacuum suction or forceps to aid in delivery, to donate baby's cord blood--and in the event that staff are not available to collect a donation, we will wait until the cord stops pulsating for it to be cut, to have immediate skin-to-skin contact and that my baby and I be allowed bonding time before any procedures or exams be done, that my baby not be offered formula or a pacifier and that I will be exclusively breastfeeding, a lactation specialist to help with first time breastfeeding, etc.

I plan on giving a copy of my birth plan to my midwife before I show up at the hospital in labor. That is, bringing it along to my next prenatal appointment (or emailing her a copy if I forget to bring it!) so she knows what my preferences are and can plan accordingly on her end. I will also be sticking one in my hospital bag as a reference for the nurses or other medical staff that may assist in my birth.



I am so super excited that my little girl is almost here! Just 16 days until her estimated arrival. Writing out my birth plan (as well as setting up her nursery!) made things slightly more real for me, and I do feel more prepared. Next step.... packing my hospital bag! I'm going to have a baby so soon!!!

"Emergency" third trimester ultrasound.

On Monday at my appointment with my midwife, she did her usually pocking and prodding of my tummy to check on baby's relative size and position. She measured my fundal height at 36 weeks (I was 36 weeks, 1 day), and noted that I have been measuring small for the past 3 appointments. After feeling the baby, she expressed additional concern that she may have been mistaking Roo's hips for her shoulders, and that the baby might actually be breech. So we scheduled a late ultrasound for two days later (today) to asses Roo's growth and position. Those 48 hours seemed to crawl by. I just wanted to know that my baby was getting the nutrients she needed and that her growth pattern was normal, and that she wasn't breech.

My midwife warned me that if it was determined the baby has a slowed growth rate, that we would need to schedule an induction. In addition to that, if she has a slowed growth rate AND was breech, they would most likely schedule a c-section. HOW TERRIFYING. All I could think of was how much I wanted to naturally experience the surprise of labor and everything that childbirth has to offer. I'm sure there are mothers out there thinking I'm nuts, but I don't care about the pain or feeling like it will never be over. I want to go into labor when my baby is ready and dilate on my own and push her out when I get the urge. All without medical intervention and especially without any medication.
Long story short, the ultrasound report (shown above) came back completely normal. They did estimate her to be a bit small for her gestational age, but she is in the 18th percentile so they aren't overly concerned ("Normal" is between the 10th and 90th percentile). They checked on the development of her heart, stomach, bladder, and brain, as well as the condition of my ovaries, cervix, placenta, and the umbilical cord. Everything came back with great results. My tiny baby girl is perfectly healthy and developing just as she should be! :) And yes, they reported her position as "vertex" which means she is head down and ready to engage. I couldn't be happier.

37 week update

How far along? 37 weeks.
Total weight gain? 25 lbs. I actually lost 2 lbs this past week.
Stretch marks? Still on the look out for new ones, but none so far.
Best moment this week? The baby shower on Saturday! Everything was amazing, my mom did such a fantastic job planning it. I had a lot of fun and it was so nice to see my family. Now I can't wait to bring my little roo to family events in the future. :)

Veggie Galaxy

To celebrate baby's well-being and the end to a very stressful 48 hours for myself and Ashton, we treated ourselves to a scrumptious vegan lunch at Veggie Galaxy in Cambridge! I had the stuffed French toast (who can go wrong when breakfast is served all day?!) and Ashton chose the bacon tempeh burger--both of which were AMAZING. And at the end of our meal we snagged a chocolate peanut butter frappe to go!

Hypnobabies!

As I was researching different approaches to natural unmedicated childbirth I came across information about water births, home births, doulas and midwife deliveries, hypnobirthing, acupuncture or acupressure, massage and hot/cold therapy, visualization techniques, and much more. I am obviously giving birth at a hospital and while I would actually LOVE to have a water birth, it is not offered at Brigham and Women's (maybe next time! haha). But I do really want a midwife there and to prepare for labor and delivery I have decided to try out a program called hypnobabies. It is similar to hypnobirthing in that they both rely on self-hypnosis techniques, but it has it's own home study course and preparation methods. The home study program involves five weeks of listening to meditation-style hypnosis tracks every day and then rotating through each of the topics again from the end of the course until birth. I decided to try this method because I used to meditate a lot in my spirituality class in college and really loved it and miss it. I find it relatively easy to calm my mind and enter a meditative state to relax. I also love that the program helps women embrace the parts of pregnancy, labor, and delivery that are commonly feared by empowering us with knowledge and assurance that all of these aspects are natural. They even change the terminology to be more comforting- "pressure waves" or "birthing waves" instead of "contractions", "birthing time" instead of "labor", etc. I know the idea of this hypnobabies program might not be everyone's cup of tea, I'm actually really excited to see how it goes. I'm starting it this week to finish by my 35 week mark and then do the rotation until I give birth. I really think it will help put my mind at ease about anything I am fearing and help to keep me relaxed during my birthing time. :)

30 week update.

How far along? 30 weeks.
Total weight gain? 20 lbs.
Stretch marks? I think so, on the bottom of my boobs. :(
Best moment this week? Switching my prenatal care from Dedham to Dorchester, going on a maternity tour of the hospital at Brigham and Women's, and setting up a time to see an apartment tomorrow (fingers crossed!).

This week's to-do list:

1. Continuing to work on Roo's block set.
2. Speaking with my landlord. (The guy seriously NEVER gets back to me!)
3. Seeing an apartment tomorrow with Ashton and hoping all goes well.
4. Contacting my insurance company about breast pump options and cord blood banking options and notifying them of my change in prenatal care.

Hopefully I can continue to be productive to make it through the weeks ahead. Baby will be here before I know it! :)

I had an appointment with my midwife today that was really pleasant. It was just a quick routine visit, nothing out of the ordinary. I was pretty excited to hear my little roo's heartbeat again; that will never get old! During my next appointment, I will have more bloodwork to check my levels against what they were back in October since the amount of blood in my body has nearly doubled! About two weeks ago I started taking an iron supplement, so I am not too worried about my red blood cell count this time. I didn't really want to take any prenatals or other vitamins, but to be extra cautious I decided to seek out a natural iron supplement. I ended up choosing Garden of Life's Vitamin Code of Raw Iron. It is completely vegan and all of the ingredients are derived from herbal sources rather than animal or chemical sources. This raw, unprocessed capsule also includes Vitamin C, Vitamin B12 and Folate as an added bonus!

Another issue that was only lightly touched on at my appointment, but I have been beginning to think about lately is where I want to give birth. Now don't be freaked about about me having a natural pregnancy and wanting a natural childbirth--that is true to an extent, however, I'm leaning towards giving birth in a hospital (as opposed to a birthing center or having a home birth). Don't get me wrong, I'd love to have a midwife deliver my baby in a birthing center, but for insurance reasons and to keep my boyfriend at ease with putting up with me, I do think a hospital is the best way for us to go.

Newton-Wellesley Hospital vs. Brigham and Women's Hospital

So here's my dilemma: my OB practice only has privileges with Newton-Wellesley Hospital, but I am not sure I want to deliver there. I have looked into a couple of reputable hospitals in the area, and would really prefer Brigham and Women's Hospital. Brigham and Women's is closer to the South Shore area where we will most likely be living, as opposed to Newton-Wellesley being almost 10 miles further away (which could be a real pain, depending on the time of day and traffic). Brigham and Women's is also the leading hospital in the region for women's healthcare and has a separate pediatrics facility right next door--the buildings are actually connected by a bridge. The labor and delivery room looks extremely comfortable with a place for my boyfriend to relax (or sleep, if necessary), a TV, an option for playing music, a mini fridge, labor relievers (like stretching bands and a labor ball), and other things I know I am forgetting right now. They also have a very reputable maternity staff including nurses and lactation consultants, as well as the OB doctor who will be doing the delivery. It's not that Newton-Wellesley, doesn't have comfortable rooms or a knowledgeable staff, I just literally fell in love with Brigham and Women's online maternity ward tour video [here] as opposed to Newton-Wellesley's [here]. The biggest reason for wanting to give birth at Brigham and Women's has to be the fact that I really want to be able to bank and donate my baby's umbilical cord blood, and that is a service not available at Newton-Wellesley. You can read more about it [here] if you are interested, but banking cord blood is a great opportunity to help patients with diseases even as severe as leukemia to make a full recovery. Cord blood is stored for its stem cells that are the building blocks of the blood and the immune system and are often successful as transplants because they are immature cells that do not yet know how to attack foreign substances. Since this process would not interfere with my birth plan, poses no risks to me or my baby, and takes less than 10 minutes, I definitely want to jump on the opportunity to save a life. Who knows, my baby could benefit from a stem cell transplant one day!

Anyway, when I casually mentioned different hospitals today, my midwife basically said that I would definitely be delivering at Newton-Wellesley since that is the hospital they are affiliated with. I was distraught and stressed about this and began madly googling it as soon as we got in the car. While it is recommended that patients deliver at the hospital where their OB has privileges, I have decided that I love my midwife and do not want to switch practices, so I will be keeping my current OB, and I also feel that delivering at the hospital where I feel most comfortable and that I feel is right for me and my baby is also important, so I will stick with my decision of giving birth at Brigham and Women's. I know my OB or midwife will not have privileges to aid in my delivery, but the person delivering my baby is probably who I will be seeing the least of anyway and I won't mind it being a member of the Brigham and Women's staff. When the date gets closer, I will have my OB fax my patient file to the hospital and I will have a printed copy of my birth plan to bring in my hospital bag on the day of delivery.

There we go, problem solved! (a special thanks to google and all the moms who asked a similar question!)