Last week was entirely too long without my little munchkin. Liana spent the week with her Grammy in New Hampshire, while I was left only with pictures and her toys at home. I was well aware that I’d miss my peanut every second she was away, but I was not quite prepared for this. Without a babbling baby alarm clock, a dirty butt to wipe, a hungry mouth to aim an airplane spoon into, and a ‘tiny foot’ to tickle, I wasn’t quite sure how to spend my newly found “freedom.” Naturally, I pined over photos and anything that reminded me of her. I found myself giggling in otherwise silence remembering something that she had done the week prior. Oh, how I missed that little one!

Mommy Guilt

I thought about how much I missed her every single day. Ashton and I got some much needed time together and went out several nights after work since we literally never get the chance. There were a few evenings we arrived home after work and I immediately changed into comfy clothes and plopped on the bed to relax and I thought how nice it was to do just that: relax. On a normal day, we come home and entertain Liana for a half hour before making and feeding her dinner while we eat dinner and then getting her ready for bed. It was refreshing to be able to sink into the bed of our air conditioned room and not have to move a muscle. Except to grab a blanket within five minutes because I actually despise air conditioning for the most part.

But then... the guilt set in. I'm a mother. I am supposed to want to take care of my child. The moment my baby came into this world, I was no longer supposed to be selfish. A good mother will put the needs of her child before her own. But there I was, glad to be freed of that responsibility. How could I be so selfish? I'm still struggling with the fine line of taking care of myself and taking care of Liana. A lot of the time I want to completely immerse myself into her world. I want to play with her all day, teach her new things, make memories with her, and document those memories so she can look back on them in the future. Where does that leave me? Who am I if not in her world? I have had to learn that I am not only 'Liana's mum'. There is much more to me that being a mother (although that is the biggest and most important part!). To keep my sanity, I have to be able to relax once in a while--as hard as it is to do so. And I have to do things that are just for me once in a while, too (...like shopping!). Fighting my way through the guilt, I've come to the conclusion that it is okay to be relieved that mommy responsibilities are put on hold when I trust that Liana is under good care by someone else, whether it be her Grammy or her daycare or a babysitter for a few hours. I'm trying to let go of the guilt because I need the enjoyment of being without my sidekick every now and then. I keep telling myself that it is good for the both of us to be a part.



Upon being reunited with my little lion cub at the end of the week, I immediately had gotten the sense that she was somehow smarter. She grew in just the eight days that we were a part. I've started putting more trust in her and letting her show me that she understands what is going on. This morning just as a test, when she picked up a clothing tag from my bedroom floor I asked, "Liana, can you put that in the trash?" To my surprise she walked out of the room and stood in front of the bathroom door and looked back at me. I got up and opened the door and watched as she waddled in and very daintily placed the tag in the bottom of the trashcan. Later, I heard her smacking her lips as I was almost to the bottom of my cup of chocolate milk. As we made eye contact, she reached out for the cup. This is pushing it a little too far, I thought. But I decided to give it a shot anyway and handed her the cup. With only a tiny dribble down her chin, she knocked back the rest of the chocolate milk like she had been drinking out of a normal cup for months! Well done, Liana!


**The photos were taken at the Freetown State Forest wading pool.

Yesterday I was all prepared for my mom to come down and visit for the day and Liana and I sat outside to await her arrival. She made quite the entrance, driving her birthday present up the driveway: a yellow and black Mustang convertible! And not only that but she also brought Desiree with her. Liana had the biggest smiles ready for her Grammy and Auntie.


I gave them a tour of our new home (I think I mentioned already that we recently moved again) and there was a lot of chatting and catching up. As our bellies grew hungry I prepared us some of the double cheese vegan lasagna that I made on Wednesday night for Ashton's birthday. I was so excited they both loved it and wanted the recipe!
We decided to get out of the house and go to Dighton Rock Park in Berkley for a walk. I hadn't been there before and didn't know what to expect, but it turned out alright. It seemed like a good spot to have a picnic and the water scene was beautiful, but the paths were a bit overgrown and unkempt. We attempted one of the paths, but Liana was having a tough time handling the hike in her stroller. We visited the museum and signed our names and where we were from in the guest book. There were entries dating back to July 2006!


After Liana had her afternoon lunch, we packed up and headed home to meet up with Ashton, who arrived home from work right around the same time we did. We chatted some more and made peanut butter and homemade jelly sandwiches. Yum!
I was having so much fun watching Liana with her Grammy and Auntie, it was sad watching them go. And soon after they left, Ashton went out to a friend's house, so Ani and I were hanging out just the two of us for the rest of the night. To put an unexpected closure to a perfect day, Liana let me hear her laugh for the very first time! I was playing around with her while she was sitting in her bouncer, and out of nowhere she started laughing. I was so surprised and excited. I absolutely wanted to capture the moment, but my phone and camera were upstairs. Luckily I had my computer on the counter so I opened Photobooth and tilted the screen down toward the floor so the webcam could peak at Liana. I managed to catch just the end of her laughing, but it is still super cute. I immediately uploaded the short video to YouTube so I could share the amazing moment.


It's not good quality video, but it's her first ever laugh! Enjoy!

When thinking up a theme for her nursery, I really wanted to create a fun and unique space for my little one to call her own. I chose a theme that I haven't seen before for a nursery and also requested lots of handmade items from family members to make it extra special.


Liana's nursery theme is Studio Ghibli, with a minty green and pink underlying color scheme. If you haven't read my previous posts on this, Studio Ghibli is a Japanese animation film studio that has produced many of the anime films that I have come to fall in love with over the past several years. While there are very serious and intriguing morals and messages in each of the films, I felt that the animation style and and some of the surface story lines could be suited for a child's room. So I got to have a blast playing around with the creation of something I love while also giving Liana a completely unique room to brag about in the future!! (Or maybe I'll be the one doing all the bragging, ha!)


My mom has been a HUGE supporter in making Liana's nursery truly come to life. She doesn't have a ton of knowledge on the Studio Ghibli films, but she went out of her way to find and create her own patterns for several different characters and handmade them with such determination! They are so beautifully done and I love them so much (I'm sure Liana will too!) Liana is very lucky to have such a caring and involved Grammy!


I also *mildly hinted* that I would love for anyone who wanted to, to hand make something that would be placed in Liana's nursery. Lot's of people delivered on that request! Liana now has tons of handmade blankets that I couldn't be more grateful for. I've found different places for many of them, so they can be shown off instead of thrown in a drawer somewhere. She has a pink one and a minty green one draped over the end and side of her crib, a beautiful multi-colored one draped over the back of my glider in the nursery, a purple one draped over the back of my glider in the living room, a tiny multi-colored one draped over the ottoman in the nursery, and an owl quilt spread underneath some of the Ghibli characters. I also hung a handmade tote bag on the nursery doorknob and placed her handmade hats and shoes between the Ghibli characters on her shelf.


The handmade pieces that I contributed include the paper wall decorations (the two totoros and the soot sprites in the corners of the room), the Ghibli painted block set (I finished three blocks and started a fourth), and Liana's name decoration above her crib. Her name decoration is especially unique and holds sentimental value because it is crafted from the tissue paper and ribbons from her baby shower gifts. I wanted to make this sooner and was kicking myself in the butt because it was done so last minute, but now I'm really glad I decided to wait because it has an added personalized touch by reusing materials from her gifts!


I am so happy with how well everything turned out and I love being in Liana's room. I also love that it is by far the brightest room in the apartment so it's the prime location for really great pictures of her. I think I'll have to do a little photo shoot to post with her one month update!