Ashton ♥

I know I haven't mentioned him in the first few posts, but Ashton has been super supportive through all my mood swings and up/down moments these past few days. I have been super happy/excited, sad, angry, nervous, anxious, overwhelmed, everything under the sun.. and Ashton has never left my side for a second.

We were at the urgent care facility together and when I came out into the waiting area I immediately pulled him outside and handed him the papers that say I am pregnant. All I remember him saying is "oh my god" and I didn't know if that was good or bad. I involuntarily started crying and he hugged me right away. I gave him my keys because I didn't think I could drive. My sadness turned into anger and I wouldn't talk to him for the half hour ride to his apartment and wouldn't let him touch me. I think he understood though and didn't force conversation.

I did a lot of thinking during that car ride. I was sad because I didn't think I was ready for this huge amount of responsibility that I knew was coming and I was angry at Ashton for letting this happen. But the truth is, I know I am more responsible than I give myself credit for, I have a great family that I shouldn't hesitate to turn to for support, and it's not Ashton's fault at all because we are both in this together.

My sadness and anger washed away and was then replaced by fear. I started second guessing my health and was wondering if my body would be a suitable place for a baby to thrive for the next nine months. I've heard a million times over that being vegan while pregnant isn't the easiest task in the world and I'm worried about getting enough nutrition for the both of us. While that fear remains, excitement has also been added to the mix. Desiree really brought that out for me. Seeing her happy about it really affirmed my happiness as well.

Ashton hasn't said much on the subject, but I am such an introvert that I haven't been able to share my feelings with him either. I've only said things like, "I read online that the first urine test can be wrong. I might not actually be pregnant." I know that sounds terrible, but I don't know how to tell him that if I am pregnant, I really am happy about it. I think it is because I don't know how he feels about it at all and I don't want to be happy if he is miserable. Won't he be surprised when(if) he reads this!

Thank you, Ashton, for supporting me always. I'm so lucky you are here with me. ♥